How to make a person you communicate with feel comfortable around you?
To find the answer to this question you’d better analyse how people who like each other very much behave. Do you happen to watch a conversation between such people i.e. a couple of lovers in a cafe or in a park?
What do they have in common?
What are their common features? As you may notice, they behave identical. They have similar positions, they sit in the same way and make akin gestures.
When two people are in close relationship they unconsciously adjust to each other. Such an ideal adjustment and understanding is called Rapport in NLP terminology.
Lovers do it unintentionally, but you can use it in a conscious way.
Pacing means nothing the less then the adjustment.
To come into contact with another person the only thing you have to do is to adjust to him/her.
Let’s start from the non-verbal pacing which comes down to adjusting to everything except for the words said by the other person.
Pay attention to the body position of the person you communicate. Is he/she standing? Does he/she cross his/her legs or hands? Is he/she stooping? In which position is his/her head?
When you determine these features, adjust to them.
Do it in such a way to be in a position towards this person in which you resemble his/her mirror reflection.
It’s important to distinguish between matching and mirroring as the latter one is more effective. If your interlocutor keeps his right leg on the left one and you do the same it will be matching, but if you put your left leg on the right one it will be mirroring.
Pay also attention to the characteristic gestures which your interlocutor makes. It is surely important not to exaggerate while adjusting to them. You shouldn’t worry about it so much as gestures are the natural movements and repeating them may not to be noticed.
You may find one very expressive gesture and repeat it several times when it’s your turn to speak.
The phenomenon occurs in lovers. It turned out that people who are intimate unconsciously adjust and equalize their breathing rate.
Using this technique may seem difficult at first because you have to concentrate on listening to someone and watching his/her breath (i.e. by observing the movements of arms) but it’s worth exercising.
You can adjust your breath to the one of your interlocutor, you may also use the crosswise adjustment. In this method you do not breathe in the same time but you make gestures in the rhythm of his breath.
It is easy to recognize the existence of rapport. You will notice that the conversation is more pleasant, the feeling that you have something in common with this person will occur (the same will happen with him/her).
Now you may check what would happen if you i.e. shift your position slightly. If the adjustment is correct your interlocutor will follow you and do the same.
However, if there isn’t a proper rapport or you changed your position too much this may lead to the lost of contact and to the worsening of the communication.
At that time, adjust again.
When your interlocutor follows you it is called leading.
You have to exercise this technique in as many cases as possible.